The Let Me In project
Nathan had called, the last evening before my flight to Mozambique, throwing out a casual invitation to come hang out a little with him and Will at their house before I left. I had only been back in Tennessee, my home state, for a short while, stopping there to visit friends and family as I traveled from California towards Africa. My flight overseas would leave early in the morning, and I only had a couple of spare hours, but being glad for a last- minute chance to spend more time with them I happily agreed to come over.
The result of that visit, as God provided, became this album.
Nathan, Will and I had spent some time together the previous summer, in Mozambique. Now reunited briefly, we found ourselves recalling the standout memories of our shared time in Africa - the amazing sessions of worship we enjoyed; how we had watched people who had gathered from all over the world encounter God through music; the special way in which the Spirit seemed to have led while we were there. (In fact two of the songs on this compilation, Come Away and I Will Use You, were written that summer.) As we shared our hearts about music and worship that night, we could only affirm how many spiritual hopes and intentions we had in common. After the first hour of talking, I also got the chance to hear to some of Will and Nathan's most recent recordings. Listening, I was struck by how clearly God's presence was on these guys, and also all over this house. Time was short; but as I was finally stepping out the door, Nathan dropped another invitation: "...anytime you want to come stay with us and record we would love to have you."
I knew I had to come back.
A month later, I had returned ahead of schedule from Mozambique and moved in with Will and Nathan. We were going to make this cd happen.
I arrived with the intention of working on the project for a month straight. I took an extra bedroom upstairs. As it turned out, for the first week, we did almost no recording; but we got to know each other a little better, and we got to spend a lot of time just worshipping in the living room. Then two weeks passed, and we began to notice a real stall. We hadn't completed any recordings. Actually, we hadn't even decided which songs to put on the album. And I began to worry that maybe it wasn't going to happen.
Certain other events in my life had recently caused a lot of external hardship to come into play, and I began to fall into depression. It was worsened because, even with everything going on outside, I seemed so close to fulfilling this task that I felt like God had put on my heart; but now I found myself badly limited by my own internal condition. Very soon I began to experience feelings of hopelessness about life and Christianity, music, God... everything. I felt heavy and downcast every day. I went around as if I were constantly about to cry, and on top of it I began to have terrible dreams every night. Insomnia followed. This got worse and worse, lasting for three weeks straight.
Finally, the night before the final week began, I got as honest as I possibly could with God. I said, "God, I am in pain. I don't know what is going on, or even why I feel this badly, but I need help. I need you to be real right now... ...God, please help me get out of this."
That night, I had a new dream.
In the dream I was shopping in a Wal-Mart, and as I wandered down one aisle, I looked across and saw that the next aisle over was a music aisle, stocked full of cds. I watched as a man came and browsed through them, and saw him pick out one in particular to examine. He found one of the store's sample players and began to listen, and I knew what song he had begun listening to. It was Come Away. Right then, in the dream, I could feel the presence of God wash over me, pulling all of the weight off of me. I woke up, and immediately I felt the Lord say, "If you record this cd I will use it."
That was all I needed. From that morning on, my depression disappeared. I had new vision and energy for recording. That month taught me something. Sometimes, in order for God to show up, we are going to be led into a place where we have to need him to be real. I had to be in the most desperate conditions, both emotionally and externally, before I saw how much I truly need God to be a real God. It might sound funny, but sometimes it's easy to settle for the idea of a God that's there for you, a God who loves you. But when you are hurting, you understand that it's not enough to just say you believe in a loving God. You need that to be reality. That last week in Tennessee, I cried out for God to come through and help me - and in six days he showed me greater love than I could have imagined.
Later - actually, while recording Come Away - we decided to take a break in the studio for some spontaneous worship. Out of that afternoon worship time, the song Let Me In was born. For the next few days, everything moved very quickly. By the end of that amazing week, with God's help, we had six songs that were not only complete, but which we also felt carried the weight of all the accompanying worship that had surrounded them. On the last day we invited many of our friends over to form a homemade choir for some final recording. I owe a lot to these people, because it was also their worship that really set the tone for the cd.
In seven days, I really saw that God wants to use us right at our weakest point; and if we surrender to him, he will say something through us - something that we could not say on our own.
Thanks so much to everyone who helped!
-Brock Human
